August 8, 2008 | 22 Comments

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? MILF Accessories Edition

What kind of woman forgets to take out her curlers before allowing herself to be reamed by the local blind, distractingly hairy-legged newsboy? Well, a MILF, apparently. In some circles a MILF is a mom, in others a cougar, and in this someone who just doesn’t care. Why not a housecoat, too? Two weeks ago we asked for the optimal teen porn accessory–and you, bless your heart, said a big wheel. Now, if you can suggest the best porn accessory for a MILF, you will join last week’s laureate in the winner’s circle.

· Hush Hush Entertainment (hush-hushentertainment.com)
· Buy “Ramonator 2″ (gamelink.com)

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Author:lank

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  • Anonymous

    A subscription to “O” magazine?
    A burning desire to be on that show where Oprah gives away free stuff?
    A “McCain ’08″ bumper sticker?
    Stacks of “Barney” and “Sesame Street” DVDs to raise her kids?
    A bottle of Benzodiazpine?
    A tattoo of a flower of some sort on on her ankle?
    A record collection full of ’70s and ’80s light rock (Bread, Air supply, Seals & Croft, etc…)?

  • Anonymous

    Babushka!

  • bleeble

    Danielle Steel novel? Soap Opera Digest zine?

  • fleshbotpdh

    a boy on a bigwheel?

  • Bentoboxx, My Tank is full of it

    Season one of “Greys Anatomy” on DVD, a minivan, and her husbands soul in a jar on her dresser next to chanel #5

  • CloudCarrier

    I always thought this series was called The Ramoninator, which seemed awesome for the triple entendre, but sometimes I just need these things spelled out for me – really!

    As for a MILF accessory:

    - a captive audience willing to suspend their disbelief long enough to accept that a) the lady in question has been with child, which makes room for b) that the requisite accessories common to MILFy appearances be in attendance (pronounced bust size, thickening of the hip-to-waist ratio, a somewhat motherly concern to the attention of her partner aside from the ones of her own, a well-stocked refrigerator (for afterward), and a built-in no-bullshit detector) in order to fully appreciate the performance at hand. If a MILF gets fucked in the forest and nobody sees it or watches the DVD, how could we ever prove that it actually happened?

    And in the event that this suspension may not be a viable option, how about…

    - a stroller
    - a pair of mom jeans
    - a RSS Feed for dooce and/or their own personal mommyblog
    - an abdominal tattoo spelling out the word “BUMP”
    - an oversized novelty no-bullshit detector (see above)
    - good budgetary skills
    - a map to movie stars’ homes
    - baby wipes
    - good advice about bad situations
    - bad advice about good situations
    - a murderous jealousy disguised by a cluster of domestic accomplishments
    - endless peanut butter parfaits
    - & an open offer for a ride home (for their would-be partners)

  • MalzyWheels

    A good prenup-busting attorney.

  • bdve

    A “Coach” purse? Sex and the City box set? Bags of random plastic crap from Wal Mart? Boniva pills?

  • Anonymous

    Only one “accessory” is needed… lactation!

  • bleeble

    What about those weird over-stylized glasses (like old Cadilliacs with fins) that married women wear and single women never wear? With that overly fussy expensive off-putting permed hair?

  • Anonymous

    A minivan

  • Anonymous

    And a soccer ball

  • bleeble

    OK, I just realized that I’m describing a MIWPLF (a Mother I Wouldn’t Particularly Like to Fuck) as opposed to a MILF.

    So nevermind.

  • Anonymous

    How about a spatchula, so she can be Aunt Jamima’d(Like the surup)in the kitchen?

  • slyty

    Cum On My C-Section Scar

  • Gram Ponante

    (Hey listen, I haven’t picked the winner yet, but this is really the best one at least since the new word for “come” I just returned from a place where moms of ten would fuck your mom for a small tip, and was just checking in.)

  • Anonymous

    Daughter?

  • radink

    Who’s the woman on the cover?

  • Come a little Miroslav Klose You’re My Kind of Man

    Stirrup pants.

  • bleeble

    @FalconryoftheEroticVariety: “Daughter” works for me.

  • Anonymous

    It would have to be a hugely hung black guy named “Ramon.”

  • Gram Ponante

    @acs: YES. They all do have a flower tattoo, don’t they? This helps strengthen to the intangible “burning desire to be on gift day on Oprah” CO WINNER WITH “a murderous jealousy disguised by a cluster of domestic accomplishments” and “endless peanut butter parfaits”