What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Your Most Important Assignment Ever

2008_03_03_wwfrd.jpgIt has happened to you before: you’ve long prided yourself on your collection of hip, sex-positive friends and co-workers. Then, around the water-cooler (or what we at Fleshbot West call a dirtpipe), you are shunned by your colleagues for saying something unpredictably foul, like “I could get into that up to my clavicle.”

Or maybe there is just one word that turns you prudish. For me that word is “Cum.”

Not come, or jizz, or splooge (though I don’t like “spunk”), but for whatever reason “cum” — especially used as a verb, as in “Cum on over LOL!!!11! <wink>” — drives me up a wall.

So your job this week is to provide an all-purpose substitute for the word Cum, to be employed in every future discussion of this matter (by me, anyway – there’s no accounting for the rest of those people). It must be monosyllabic and useful as both a noun and a verb.

Now, on to prizes: for months we have been running this contest with no prizes save for your own individual glory, which should have been enough. But we have partnered with Gamelink to provide winners with copies (or reasonable facsimiles thereof) of the DVDs featured in each week’s contest.

So what will happen is this: We will alert you of each week’s winner via the comment board, and that winner will then submit his/her name, e-mail address, mailing address, post handle (such as Bento and Cloudcarrier, last week’s winners), and written declaration that “I am over the age of 18 and it is legal to be mailed adult material in my community.”

To encourage a free market, Cloudcarrier, you can only win once in a month. You think you’re Vladimir Putin?

Send that info to gram (ampersand) fleshbot.com. We will compile a monthly list of winners and begin mailing DVDs when the database kinks (and we anticipate plenty) are worked out.

Meanwhile, it sure looks like this young lady’s nipples have found a water source for her village.

· See the real title (gamelink.com)

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Author:Gram Ponante

Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist, and has been a daily contributor to the great Fleshbot since 2005.
  • LingeringBursitis

    Paint

  • lonbordin

    What I see says

    Tattoo

    but what I know says

    Approval

    The capitalist in me likes

    Purchase

  • TommySez

    “Splazzle” works as both a noun and verb.

    “Splazzle me with your splazzle, baby!”

    “Splazz” if you’re in a hurry.

  • Anonymous

    Gram

  • CloudCarrier

    “Durr.”

  • Tracer_Bullet

    sploik

  • Warrington

    Whip.

  • Prof_Derzshowitz

    SPIZZ (spizz) n., s.; n. pl. = spizz [modL.

    — USAGE:

    - e.g. (plural. form) “Janie swallowed buckets of John’s spizz after their night on the town.”
    – e.g. (verb form, past part) = spizz (+ ‘ed). –> e.g. “John spizzed all over Janie’s long, blonde tresses.”

    — ETYMOLOGY:

    Early 21st century, North American, hybrid of terms “sperm” and “jizz.” Very versatile.

    - Prof. A Derzshowitz, March 04, 2008.

  • Anonymous
  • etho

    Gurt.

    As in yo-.

  • Anonymous

    Jam.

    As in “Pearl “.

  • Anonymous

    Hefty Lefty, Slighty Righty

  • Anonymous

    Fonebone.

    …Sorry, I’m a Mad Magazine fan.

  • Anonymous

    How about “Xup?” e.g. “‘I want your hot xup all over my tits’ she purred, and then he xupped all over her ample bosom.”

    It’s a little sci-fi, but it will come in real handy if you play scrabble around fleshbot headquarters….

    And if more-than-one-syllable-words are permissible, I submit: Invoice.

    e.g. “He invoiced with a roar and proceeded to eat the hot invoice out of her invoice-hole.”

  • maryrules

    Huckabee

  • 1000101 is not a number. He’s a free man!

    Flak.

    …or if you want to get all hip-hop on it, “Phlaq”

  • dwinn

    Plooty

  • Anonymous

    “splat” has always worked for me.

    But then, so have its variations:
    “splot” and “splog”

  • Anonymous

    Clinton

    “These sluts are going crazy waiting for your clinton”

  • rad_matter

    Twinkie Filling

  • fleshbotpdh

    Nutter Butter

  • fleshbotpdh

    Elmer (as in glue)

  • andrewweakland

    slizzle

  • Anonymous

    Shub. I want to you shub all over the sub while I rub his hub, bub.

  • drewmit

    spoo-juice

  • jadegreen

    Plop. I have to plop baby, uh… NOW! His plop was warm and tasty all over my lips.

  • thelushie

    Yum

  • Jonnobot

    As far as I’m concerned we had our winner @ veggieburger, but then I don’t judge these things.

  • piggythewonderdog

    “Joose”. A Made-up single-syllable word using “juice” and “loose” as in “Let Loose”.

  • Anonymous

    Slink

  • ChokeHerGently

    Soup

  • Anonymous

    To borrow from Brad Neely, fliff. Works as a verb and a noun.

  • Rick Paulas

    Spumoni!

  • MalzyWheels

    nut custard, sac spit

  • davethebutcher

    A dab, for noun.
    Dabble for verb.

    Ex. “I went back to her house and dabbled on her pillows.”

  • Anonymous

    Jooze!

  • Salamantis

    Spajj, Skuzz, Smeg, Smizz, Spludge, Spruss, Widge, Wadge, Skrunge, Plewd…there are so many!

    My favorite is Spludge.

  • The HZA.

    Jizzim.

  • Anonymous

    Hm, monosyllabic and works as both a noun and a verb? I say “splurt”. “Oh baby, I’m gonna splurt!” Or, “Dammit, you got a gob of splurt in my eye!”

  • Bentoboxx, My Tank is full of it

    Sigmund Freud Happy Tears

    PF Wang’s White Sauce

    Future First Graders

    WD40

  • Marsupial

    Stick with the classics: Jizz.

    Can be used as a noun, a Proper Name (“What’s up, Jizz?), and an adjective (“things got all jizzy”). It keeps the mood light while conveying the serious… ummm…. jizziness of the subject.

  • shamama

    Klute

  • Come a little Miroslav Klose You’re My Kind of Man

    Whey.

  • I.M.B.Y What’s THIS for…!

    QUEEM, works for all sexual life styles.

    He queemed all over the queen’s clean sheets.

  • Anonymous

    Roque.

    Short for Roquefort Dressing. mmmmm, dressing….

    Hard to spell, but it does have a nice gag sound at the end, as well as a blue-cheesy image.

  • Gram Ponante

    @veggieburger: oh thank you

  • Gram Ponante

    @Guitar_Wolf: dude, you are so in the running

  • Gram Ponante

    @lonbordin: while this entry made me weep with joy, it’s hard to imagine any of those being uttered in the heat of the moment. They seem more “erotica” fodder.

  • Gram Ponante

    @CaptainCelery: glorious. it’s even better because the pronunciation is open to interpretation.

  • Anonymous

    I realize I’m late to the game, but I must suggest “ranch.” As in the dressing.

    v. “Omg, I’m going to ranch!”
    n. “Ew, there’s ranch all over the floor.”