Squirt Machines (And Other Urban Legends)

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In every generation there exists a concept that mysteriously entrenches itself so deeply into the collective psyche that it resists ever being properly explained. Consumed by morbid curiosity, the general public loses its ability to sustain rational thought regarding the matter and is ultimately forced to blindly accept its truth despite obvious contradictions and/or a lack of credible empirical evidence. The single bullet theory in the JFK assassination is one example; grainy film footage of Bigfoot strolling through the woods is another. And then there’s squirting.

Urban legend or not, intrepid director Chris Streams wastes no time exploiting it in his newest release for Jules Jordan Video, the moistly titled “Squirt Machines”. In fact the aptly named director wades in past his knees with an extra juicy effort delivering plenty of soaking good fun that’s good to the very last drop. (Did we miss anything?)

The cast consists of such acknowledged liquid machines of lust as Jenna Presley, Amber Peach, Ema Hart, Bobby Star, Sophie Dee, Savannah Stern, Jada Fire, Flower Tucci, Chelsea, and newcomer Sidnee Jenkins performing her first ever on camera anal scene. As to whether or not their squirting abilities are real (or whether these girls are just pissing all over the place), it’s up to you, dear viewer, to decide … along with the existence of fairies, unicorns, merpeople, and Compassionate Conservatives.

· Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks: The Squirting Loophole, Splish-Splash Photoplay of the Moment: “Squirts Ilustrated”, Momo’s Science Experiment: Japanese Squirting Fun, Liquid Love: The G-Spot Explosion, Jada Fire Really Is Squirtwoman

  • Anonymous

    [Insert Quagmire's fourth hole joke here]

  • Anonymous

    I, for one, don’t believe it. Not that “squirting” isn’t possible for women, but not in the volume that these women are doing it. There isn’t an organ in the female system that would hold that much liquid ejaculate. These women have to be pissing, and should be exposed as the frauds they are.

    After all, it the veracity of pornographic actions and situations cannot be maintained, all is lost.

  • Conrad

    @Superking: The Uterus, but then they would have to have given birth before, fill up their uterus with water, not die, and appear pregnant.

  • MrD666

    About the comment from Conrad:

    Can you provide some kind of formal proof of this, as I never heard this ever before and I’m somewhat well versed on the body and its functions. It sounds interesting for sure, cause I have always suspected this was just urination, and not ejaculation myself. I couldnt imagine someone having those amounts of bursts, at least the way they depict it.

    And to DCYPHER the author:

    Wow that was so brilliantly wrote. The way you tied the assassination of JFK to squirting deserves some sort of prize. Great work really.

  • Tony

    @Superking: I agree. A bit I would believe, but in these amounts, I tend to think it’s just pee!

  • Conrad

    @MrD666: Why would I need to provide proof to a satirical comment? If you were to fill a women’s uterus with water she would most likely die.

  • Captain Sassypants

    I had a squirting girlfriend once and she easily shot out 1/4 to 1/2 a cup of cum when we fucked. She could get off with my fingers in her and I could feel something building up– there must be a gland or something a little past the g-spot. Whatever it was would completely deflate as she came on me. So, yeah, I believe in it and I know it’s not pee. It doesn’t look or smell like pee.

  • I.M.B.Y What’s THIS for…!

    @CAPTAIN SASSYPANTS yep, I too have had a g/f that would sometimes blast me out of her like I had stuck my thumb too far into a garden hose in turned it on full blast. Do not doubt that women squirt. And I would say she did a 1/4 cup on average.