If British tabloids had ears, they would have had steam coming out of them this weekend as they angrily reported that the former wife of a former Beatle was a dirty liar. Those of you old enough to remember the summer of 2006 may recall the horrible scandal of Paul McCartney’s ex, Heather Mills, whose infamous “porno past” was revealed by The Sun. Well, now the papers have caught her again and this time it’s for something much more dangerous and naughty: semantics!
You see, despite the fact that those were clearly her tits covered in whipped cream and man-spit, Heather claimed that the book those saucy pics appeared in was for “educational purposes” and not “porn.” Fair enough, we suppose, but it didn’t change the fact that the whole planet saw her bush. The tabloids couldn’t let that little detail go, however, and just a scant 18 months later they’ve finally proved their point. Someone found pictures of Mills taken from an actual porno mag, complete with an actual sexy quote that we’re sure she totally said. (“I’m gonna drive you crazy with my body.” Hot!) As News of the World breathlessly reports, “clearly there is NOTHING educational about today’s sickening photo” that they bravely published anyway just to prove she’s a “sleazy” lying whore.
Except they’re the same fucking photos, or the same shoot anyway, probably bought off the photographer after the fact and thrown into some low-rent wank book. But her legs are spread a little wider, which totally makes her a “hardcore porno queen,” which means she’s totally full of it, which it means … uh, we don’t know what that means. Except for maybe News of the World should stop the moral outrage and just admit the fact that it loves pussy.
· “Shocking full frontal pics that prove Mucca is a porn liar” (newsoftheworld.co.uk)
· “Hey, Guess Who Totally Lied When She Said She’d Never Posed Nude?” (evilbeetgossip.film.com)
Previously: (Still More) Heather Mills (Not So) Hardcore Pics
