Best of Sex Advice

June 22, 2006
JDITZIAN

While it may sometimes appear that we here Fleshbot are merely conniving porn hounds looking to exploit this flash-in-the-pan "blogging" thing to turn a quick buck, really, all this raunch is just a clever disguise behind which to forward our other secret agenda: our dream that one day all the world's citizens be empowered with the liberty and knowledge necessary to lead meaningful, fulfilling sexual lives. Considering that we have such noble intentions, is it hard to understand why we can't resist poking fun at sex advice columnists every now and then? Even if they share the same goal as we do, at least we try to give you something to get off to when all the advice in the world still can't get you laid.
-A. Tolesco

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My Messy Bedroom, Dating Girl:

Don't tell me I am sick or a pervert. I know if we have sex once, it will be the last time, but on the other hand it may not be. What do I do?

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Em and Lo, Advice:

Having sex after your engagement but before your wedding (with someone other than your fiance) is like shooting someone with a gun, but only in the kneecap. It's like taking a taxi for the first five miles of a marathon you're running. It's like mainlining heroin throughout your pregnancy and promising to quit once the baby's born. But mostly it's, like, cheating on your wife, dude.

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Singlestop.com, Direct Answers:

I met this young man while playing an online role-playing game. After months of playing well together the shard was going to shut down. He and I were leaders of our group, so we tested shards together to find another one for our group.

By his mannerisms and maturity, I assumed he was in his 30s at a minimum. He is intelligent, humorous, has sex appeal, the whole package. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We both agreed to meet for the first time in September when my youngest is off to college.

He doesn't care about our age difference and wants to introduce this to his family as painlessly as possible. Any suggestions? He's 18 and I'm 45.

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Puckerup.com, Ask Tristan:

I am definitely a fan of yours and I have a quick simple question for you. I recently purchased an iVibe by Doc Johnson for my girlfriend. She loves it, but we are a little confused about something. The clerk told us to use cheap batteries, that vibrators are not made to handle batteries like Energizer Batteries. I wanted to find out if this is true or not? After spending some money on something I want to make it last as long as possible.

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The Student Center, Teen Sexuality:

Hi I have a problem.I used to masterbate and the two balls down there have got very small. why it happened and how can they get to original size?

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SexualHealth.com, Women's Sexual Health:

My wife of approx 15 years kind of dropped a bomb on me the other night. What she told me didn't upset me as much as the fact that she has never discussed what happened with anyone. I was shocked that she has never talked to anyone about what happened. She was 15. Extremely friendly with another girl since very young. They went to the other girl's house. Were talking. There was a mutual attraction. Kissing, fondling, naked when "oops" the other girl's brother walks in. My wife's friend suggests that they have intercourse. She is taken aback and says no. The other girl then says "It's ok he is really good...watch" The siblings proceed to start their "session". My wife dresses and leaves. She hasn't talked to the girl since...

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The Stranger, Savage Love:

While I was making love to my wife, she asked me about my fantasies. I shared with her that my fantasy was to watch her have lesbian sex with one of her hot friends. I came home a few days later to find my wife naked with her best friend! She announced that it was time for my fantasy to come true, and told me to sit down and enjoy it. After her friend left, she told me that since my fantasy came true, she was entitled to hers coming true. She then explained, for the first time, that her fantasy was for me to watch her getting fucked by two guys! I objected, and she said that because she did my fantasy, I had to do her fantasy. She has now cut me off from all sex and announced that until I arrange for her fantasy, I am out of luck.
She is adamant that she is entitled to her fantasy being fulfilled because she fulfilled mine. I do not agree, because I never asked her to do what she did. What should I do?

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Dr Drew, Dr.'s Office:

What's the odor and discharge from my bellybutton?

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Sex Project, Sex Questions:

semen, i mean. it smells like a musty mushroom cellar with a pinch of chlorine and some onions thrown in. how the hell do i make it smell-less again?

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Eye.net, Love Bites:

Though I don't think I've ever met a man who hasn't tasted his own come (and a friend who does gangbang films tells me there are fellows who wait around the set for the sheer privilege of lapping up the mess), porn is very slow to role reverse, and come-eating is seen as women's work.

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Time Out Chicago, In & Out:

My girlfriend lives out of town and we see each other every few weeks. She enjoys performing oral sex on me and swallowing my semen. One night, while talking long-distance, she suggested that I masturbate in her absence, and collect and freeze my loads in a jar for her to swallow the next time she was in town. I thought she was kidding, but thought, "Why not?" I got a small glass jelly jar, washed it out thoroughly and got to work. After each shot, I would replace the jar in the freezer. My question is: Are there any health issues we should worry about? I have been tested and have no STIs or HIV, and I do not have sex with others. I've tried Internet research, but as far as I know, we've hit on a unique sex practice here. I worry about spoilage and bacteria. I know this is pretty far out, but she gets so turned on by the practice, and I get so turned on seeing her get so turned on by it.

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Ask Krista, Q&A: