Porn Valley Dispatch: Porn Company For Sale

On any given day, there's a Porn Valley company being threatened with a lawsuit that could destroy it; some representative of the $12 billion a year industry is having its phones or electricity turned off for non-payment; and some starlet is turning to her only friend—the internet, to bemoan her fiscal ruin at the hands of a cruel director. And today's your chance to change all that ... provided you are at least 22 and PROFESSIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, that is. Full details on how you too can buy your way to porn mogulhood after the gap.- G. Ponante

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For a paltry $100k minimum bid, the winner of this eBay auction will get the keys (well, there's no building) to a porn catalog; a lawyer who has been paid, as porn lawyers often are, in advance; and a Rolodex full of names and addresses including those of Tera Patrick (hubby Evan Seinfeld was not mentioned, however) and Brittany Skye.

But wait, there's more! You will also receive a tutorial on how to run with the big dogs of the porn world! You're probably thinking that there isn't enough money in your family's coffers to approach paying for such access to the adult industry ... but the price is still just $100,000!

Not only that, but you'll also get a couple of cameras—not to mention respect and the chance to pay $300 to sponsor Porn Star Karaoke some Tuesday.

The sellers advise that your family should probably be on board for your new fabulous lifestyle, and that maybe you should take a Final Cut class at a community college. Also, they warn that just because you own the business doesn't give you the right to be grabby with the girls. Hmmph. That's not the way it was when I owned NASA.

Speculation is rampant as to whether this is 1) a joke, 2) a cry for help, 3) an attempt by a company to besmirch the good name of a competitor, or 4) like all of the best adult business ventures, a combination of each.

· "ENTIRE PORN COMPANY FOR SALE !!!" (ebay.com)

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Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive